How To Write A Column In 10 Steps

I seem to be quite a fan of Howto's lately. So here for your general writing wishes: How To Write A Column In Ten Steps. Or maybe it's more of a Do and Don't thing:

• Don't write when you are not inspired. You'll find that you'll write something you don't quite mean. Your sentences won't flow, your article won't have that much relevant content.
• Don't try to be funny. Only be funny if it's spontaneous. Faked funniness seems forced. There's nothing worse. However, a little self-mockery works like a charm.
• Do write a catchy introduction. If your introduction is lame, people will not read the rest. Describe what your column is about, ask your readers a question, but don't give it all away. Curiosity killed the cat!
• Do support your own opinion. If you take a stance on an opinion you do not support, your writing will easily come across as unbelievable.
  
• Do shock people. Provoke comments, discussions. Do it in a good way though, because cursing your reader is shocking too, but you really don't want to do that.
• Do illustrate. In words. Compare situations to graphical terms. 'I ran for the exit like a ant from the water hose'. Capish?
• Do be up-to-date. Write about recent happenings and subjects that are much discussed, but not over-discussed. IPhone? So last season.
• Do include your readers, talk to them directly or asked them questions (which you can either answer yourself or leave open).
• Don't make your column too lengthy, it's difficult to keep your readers' attention that way. Be to-the-point.
• Do be do be do.

There, hope this helps.

With love,

Maartje