I know that that is not a word, lettence. But I don't care. I claim my literally right to create my own creations, be they words, drawings, photographs or any other artistic thing.
Anyway, let's get to the point. This is not some selfpity post. No, this is about letting oneself, and others, down. I'm sure you've all been there. I'm there now. The most recent occasions would have to be Koninginnedag (Queensday, we celebrate our queen's birthday) and my summer course in the UK that I am not doing.
I have been complaining to myself about the fact that I never go out. It's hard and all, and I feel a burden to other people, and in most occasions would be. It's not easy getting around town in a wheelchair, and I never blamed anyone for not wanting to take me. On the day before Koninginnedag, I was ask to go celebrate by a couple of my housemates. At first I was over the moon about it. But then as the day went on I got all anxious about it. It's very very crowded, and I'd have to take my wheelchair, and truth be told, none of the people going are perfectly mobile theirselves. So I called and canceled. I let myself down. I feel stupid.
The summer course in the UK is something I was kind of wanting to do. The accomodation however, has me shaking. When I checked my agenda, I found out I already had plans during the period the course is in, but that's not the point. I'm too scared. I let myself down. And a certain family member that I really would rather not let down.
Well, this is all. It felt good writing it all down. Advice is most welcome.